The Journey Continues.

The Journey Continues.

In the early hours of the morning, having returned to my inn and sharing a few more drinks with my new found friends, I retired to my room. It had been a long day. I thought of my father. He had never approved of gambling, he had always considered it something only fools participated in. That night it did not seem like that to me. I had enjoyed an evening in good company, I had not lost a great amount, though I had lost some; it all seemed rather harmless. I convinced myself that I had lost because it was all new to me and once I became familiar with it all things would change and I would begin to win rather than lose.

A man could easily make a living once they learned the ways and how to determine the odds. That night it seemed like I had maybe found my next and much more relaxed occupation.

There were other backrooms, ones where men could be entertained by the ladies. I had once had a girlfriend in my past life, but this was very different. No talk here about waiting until after marriage vows had been taken. I could see their reasoning that they should be paid, They did after all need to earn a living as I was hoping to do by gambling. They like me had to live. I did not mind paying, they made me feel good, they made me feel like I was somebody. What's more, I had money and could afford to pay.

The day I had arrived at the inn and registered to stay, I had put my money in a safe place in my room. I had placed it behind a loose brick in the wall. Each day I had taken out just enough for the days entertainment and just a little extra for the unexpected. I was always thankful I had taken that little extra because I always met somebody in whose company I was happy and I always ended up spending that bit more than I had anticipated.

Then one day I had gone to the hole in the wall and to my horror I discovered that there was barely enough left for the nights' enjoyment.  I can still remember my horror but also how that had quickly dissipated in the belief that I would be able to win in one of those backroom gambling dens. I also was sure that some of the many friends I had made would be only too eager to help me out. 

It was not, however, to be the case. When I could not find the stake money I could strangely enough not find my friends either. I was broke and alone.

I had to find employment, the time to pay the next instalment for my stay at the inn was approaching. I began enquiring around the place for some job.  The only job I could find was one that was not a job that any self-respecting Jew would ever take. There was a job available feeding pigs that nobody seemed to want to do.

I convinced myself it would be short term only until I got myself back on my feet. I was starving and lonely. I had sold all I possessed. The very worst day I can clearly remember. I was so hungry I looked at the food I was feeding to the pigs and thought it looked appetising.

I struggled on. No more gambling, no more friends, living from hand to mouth.  There came a day when I awoke and with a deep sense of embarrassment, I came to the conclusion that it was time to admit defeat and eat some humble pie and return to my father. If nothing else he would give me a roof over my head, a job and some food, of this I was sure.

So, a humbled man, I prepared to make the journey home. I walked day and night stopping only for short breaks to rest. Not knowing what sort of reception I would find, I journey on. I spent much time contemplating what I would say to my father, the words I would use to beg his forgiveness. How would I ask him if I could become his hired hand?

As I neared home my inner fears and doubts grew. Then I saw him in the distance, What would I say? How would he react? 

He saw me approach and ran towards me throwing his arms around me and hugged me close. I could swear there were tears in his eyes. He called that a great meal should be prepared and that they were to celebrate and honour my return home

It was so good to be home. To feel clean again. I had time to consider all that I had learned. I was full of regret and had vowed to win back friendship with my brother.

How I was going to do that I was not at all sure What I was certain of was that I had been extremely unfair to him in the past. I had been very aware of his shortcomings but not my own. My time away had taught me just how self-centred I had been.

I had no right to be have been welcomed back home as I was. And y bmrother had said just that but he was rebuked by my father who had said to him, "Rejoice, my son, your brother was lost but now he is found."  I have to learn to forgive as I have been forgiven and to love as I am loved. I will never until my dying day forget those welcoming open arms as my father ran to meet me.

I hope and long to learn that like him I may be a forgiving person and love others without grudges as I know that I am loved.