Cover

This book comes from my time as a minister in the Church of Scotland. During those years, I went through a very difficult period, where I could not speak at all. For a time I thought I might never speak again. During this difficult period, I began painting, I took up writing poems again and I began to put together meditations and thoughts based on my understanding of the words found in the Bible.

I wanted to bring it alive in a new way. I found this helpful in the silence of my situation. I can, in all honesty, say that this was the beginning of a life of meditation and contemplation. It has brought me to where I am today.

In this book, you will find poems written during this period, there are thoughts that accompany the poems. You will find Biblical based meditations and Biblical accounts, told in a new, and I hope, refreshing way.

The contents of this book, now rewritten, helped me through a very difficult time. I offer it humbly in the hope that it brings insight to you the reader.

Acknowledgements

Acknowledgements

I would like to express my gratitude to a great number of people who over the years encouraged me to produce this work. Those of my three congregations at Motherwell Manse Road, Shotts Calderhead as it was known in that day and Clackmannan parish Church where it eventually found its way into print. Changes were asked for at that time by publishers and the project was shelved while I left the Ministry, to go back to University to become a teacher of Philosophy and World Religions.
Over the years, many asked me what had happened to it and encouraged me to think again about looking at it once more. I would like to thank them for thinking it was worthy of the time. The friends who took the time to read it as I worked on it and helped to proofread the manuscript and the final copy both know who they are and I thank you sincerely for your endeavours. This has not been an easy task because it has meant going back and reliving some difficult memories, I thank those who have helped me with this also. This whole work came out of a period where I was unable to speak and did a great deal of hard thinking. There were many who helped me through those days, I thank them. Much of the material helped me through those very difficult times and I hope they encourage those who read them now.

A Walk To Emmaus

A Walk to Emmaus

It is a warm day as you travel along a dusty dry road. It is the middle of the day and the noonday sun is at its highest point in the sky. Two others are walking with you. As your feet hit the road the hot dry dust rises and you can taste it on your lips.

The talk is all about the crucifixion, all about the man Jesus, whom they had watched being nailed to the cross. They, like you, had watched as he died and committed his body to his God and Father.

As you walk you are aware of a feeling of despair and deep sadness.........  The heat of the day only adds to the feeling of melancholy..........

The two speak of the high hopes they had held of Jesus and how those hopes now seemed dashed and in ruins..........

Think of some of the hopes and the dreams that you have nurtured that had not come to be........... remember how you have felt as you remembered these hopes.................

The two begin to speak of their fears for the future........... what should they do now? ..... would it be safe for them to return to where they had fished and lived?...................

What if the same happens to them as they witnessed happening to Jesus?...............

Think of the things that in the past have made you afraid of the future...........

As you continue along the dusty trail feeling the warmth under your feet you are joined by another, a stranger...........

He joins in the discussion. You tell him of the thoughts the three of you have been having......... You speak of unfulfilled dreams and hopes...........

You speak of your fear and anxieties for tomorrow.............

You continue along the road.......... as evening approaches and the day begins to cool............ one of the disciples suggests that it is time to stop and make rest.......... and eat.

You enter a house at the side of the road. Still, all the talk is about Jerusalem and what happened there in the past three or so days............

The stranger begins to speak again this time he talks of the prophecies about the one called Messiah..........

One of the other two begins to take from the bag strung around his waist, some food and wine.............

As they sit and make ready to eat they quietly think about the day and all the talk............

Again you are aware of some of the fears you have for the future...........

All for sit at the rough table.......... One of them gives a blessing..........

The stranger reaches across the table and takes into his hands some bread......... he breaks it...... as you watch you hear again the words, "This is my body broken for you."

You look at the stranger and for a moment it is Jesus that you see.......

He hands a piece of the broken bread and once more you hear the words, "This is my body broken for you."............

You take the offered bread...... you eat........ and in the stillness, the fears for tomorrow and the future dissipate...........

You pause and consider your life and remember the times when you had felt alone.......... Now you realise that at no time were you ever alone.

The thoughts and fears about tomorrow disappear as you hear that inner voice remind you of the words of Jesus, "Lo I will be with you to the very end."

All your fears leave you, there is no more terror about the morrow. You are ready to face the here and now and to live life in all its fullness..........

You are full of Joy and Peace

Give thanks.    

Amen.

The Crucifixion

The Crucifixion

You are in the very busy streets of Jerusalem, It is an early Friday morning. it seems to be very much busier and noisier than a normal Friday morning. The crowd sounds angry. Your head is full of the noises of shouting and jeering............... mocking words can be heard............  fingers are being pointed.

You wonder what exactly is happening. You push your way to the front of this rabble of a crowd. 

You see three men, across their shoulders, are large spars of heavy wood. These are the spars that will slot into the upright wood that will make the crosses on which these three men will be nailed and will die.

They are struggling under the weight and it is plain to see that they have been beaten and tortured prior to having to carry these spars. Every so often the three slow their pace and the Roman soldiers who are there take up their whips with their many tails and spikes and lash the backs of the three men. You can hear them as they eat into the flesh, you can almost feel the pain.........

One of the men you recognise to be Jesus, the same Jesus who had ridden into Jerusalem a few days earlier to praise and adulation. As you watch Jesus falls to the ground....... The soldiers lash out telling him to move. He picks himself up and again slowly makes his way forward up the narrow road...............

The crowd follows and you walk alongside Jesus and he toils under the weight.......... No longer do you hear the yelling of the crowd you are caught up in the pain of this man........... Your heart goes out to him.

Again Jesus falls........ again the soldiers beat him about the head and body.......... You so wish you were able to move forward and put a stop to this or offer some help to Jesus.

Slowly they move forward again............

Once more Jesus falls............... This time one of the soldiers turns to a large strong looking man and makes him lift the spar from Jesus' shoulders..........

The procession of men and soldiers with the man now carrying Jesus weight head towards the city gates and pass out through them, you move with them..............

Not far from the gates there is an ugly formed hill, Golgotha..............

They make their way to its summit and the three spars are left to fall to the ground with a clatter............

Two of the soldiers manhandle Jesus roughly throwing him to the ground on top of the large spar that he and the other man have carried to this place.............

From a leather pouch around his waist, one of the soldiers draws out a large-headed iron hammer and three very long nails sharply pointed pieces of metal..........

The first of these pieces of shaped metal is placed to the wrist of Jesus........ his arm is stretched out by the other soldier and the metal is hammered home............. You can hear the shattering of bones as it penetrates.......... The soldier keeps hammering making sure the metal is firmly embedded in the wooden spar............

It is difficult to watch................

The other arm of Jesus is stretched out and the process begins with another metal rod and it is hammered through the wrist of Jesus into the other end of the spar...............

Ropes are secured to both ends of the spar and pulled upwards the body of Jesus hauled up the large standing tree like wood that had been made ready for this act............

It is pulled until it falls into the notch ready to take it. You hear as it falls into place forming the cross on which Jesus will be left to die............... His feet are crossed and the last of the three metal spikes is driven through his feet and into the triangular bracket that is fitted to the down spar of the cross..........

You watch, and you can feel the tears run down your cheeks as the final crash of the hammer secures his feet...............

The gathered crowd and soldiers jeer and mock, taunting Jesus and the other two............. One of the soldiers yells, "get yourself down from there." .................

A ladder is brought forward and one of the soldiers brings forward a prepared notice. The soldier climbs level to the face of Jesus and nails this notice to the cross above his head. It reads, "Jesus, King of the Jews."..............

Jesus turns and looks to the prisoner on his right-hand side and says to him, "Today you will be with me in Paradise......... This man had spoken some words to Jesus about them deserving to die but him not....................

It begins to rain........... The sky turns black and threatening........ thunder and lightning fill the sky.......

It feels like the middle of the night but it is still only before three o'clock in the afternoon............

In one of the lulls between claps of thunder, Jesus can be heard speaking loudly, "Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani?" ............"My God, My God why have you forsaken me?"

You watch with a heavy heart...............

Again Jesus calls out........  "Father forgive them, they know not what they do"....................

You feel something very meaningful touch the inner depths of your being as you hear these words.........

You move a little closer to the cross.......  your eyes are held by his eyes, even in all of this agony and horror there is a feeling of love and caring............

You stop............ you look up into the eyes of Jesus............

Jesus speaks to you..............

You become aware of many of the past errors and faults of your life but you are aware of a deep feeling that this is now in the past forgotten and forgiven..........

Jesus calls out one last time, it is three o'clock........... he says,  "Tetelestai", "It is finished."

Finally, he calls out, "o patéras sta chéria sas diaprátto to pnévma mou" "Father into your hands I commit my spirit."

Slowly you turn and walk away, not as you would have expected with a heavy heart, but in a real sense of having witnessed something very special happening. You have a sense of having been freed from all past sins and errors.

Give Thanks

The last Supper

The Last Supper

You enter an upstairs room having climbed a narrow staircase. The room has bare white walls, and at the far end, there stands a table that has obviously been made ready for a meal. From what appears on the table it is clear that the meal that is to be celebrated is the Passover. The two things that give you this is the presence of a boiled egg that has been blackened by being held over a smoking candleflame, the other is the unleavened bread.

Around the table, you see reclined on cushions the twelve followers of Jesus. Sitting in the centre spot is Jesus. There is a feeling of expectancy in the room, mixed with the general feeling that comes with the celebration of the Passover. The Passover holds a very important place in the lives of the Jewish community, they are to celebrate it with their master and Friend. The joyful feeling is only slightly incomplete, in as much as some of the followers of Jesus are not fully aware of the depth of what had happened as they entered the room between Jesus and Mary Magdalene and a jar of very precious ointment.

There is though, in spite of this, a real air of anticipation, and joy.

You are part of this, allow that feeling of expectancy and joy that is in the room to flow into your being..............

The last of the celebration meal is being brought to the table by the women who had been in the upper room for some time prior to the arrival of Jesus and his disciples, preparing the meal.

You are invited to take a seat at the table and do so, trying hard to not be too noticeable..........

The disciples are all talking about the years they have spent with Jesus travelling around the country, slowly but surely heading towards Jerusalem, where they have now reached. You let the words sink into your mind.............

The meal begins and Jesus reaches over to the unleavened bread. You watch as he raises it to the level of his chin..............

He breaks it in half,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, He looks around the table making eye contact with each person present...............

Your eyes and his meet.............

You expect to hear some of the words recited at the Passover but instead, in a quiet voice Jesus says, "This is my body broken for you." ......  For you.............

You let these words sink in.......... What is Jesus speaking of? What does he mean by saying his body is broken for them?

There has been much talk of the danger of them entering Jerusalem. Is Jesus speaking of the possibility of his death at the hands of the Romans?

If so this means this bread represents the body of Jesus.......  If it is broken for you as he says does this mean that if he dies that you might find something?  The forgiveness he spoke of often????????

The bread is passed around the table each present takes a piece and eats it including the women...........

The meal progresses, quieter now as those present consider what has just happened............

Again Jesus reaches over the table, he this time picks up a large tankard of wine.  He lifts his eyes again and once more your eyes meet his.

You hear him speak again, this time he says, "This wine is my blood shed for you.".............

There is no doubt now what he is meaning. Jesus is most certainly going to die and he is saying he is doing it for all who are gathered, for you...........

There is a deathly hush around the upper room. Everybody present is letting these words sink into their thoughts.........

"This is my body............. This is my blood."............

There is little doubt, Jesus is aware that he will die here in Jerusalem, and his death will have a deep meaning..............

Allow that to sink into your inner being. This man Jesus has walked into a certain trap and death will be inevitable and he has done so knowingly................. For you...........

You watch, him and the disciples........... There is a very close bond among them......... They do not wish to lose him, he does not want to leave them, but he will.............

He is telling them he will do so for them............

He is doing it that they and you might live life to the full................

Past mistakes will be forgotten because they will be forgiven............

You were given the broken bread, his body broken............. Think of all the things in your life that need forgiveness........... for such his body will be broken.

You have tasted and shared the wine that Jesus said was his blood............. Think of all the things that your fear.......... all the things that hold you back from being what you can and should be.........

For this, his blood was shed......... That you might have life...........

From the hands of Jesus, all have taken the bread and the wine, all have been given the bread and the wine......... Including Judas.

The meal draws to a close..... a very different Passover from expected..........

Judas has left............ he has other things to do...........

Think of all the times you have heard those words repeated. "This is my body broken for you. This is my blood shed for you."

How often have they been no more than words? Part of a ceremony. For some, one of the few services of worship they attend and the words mean little.

Remember that this service is part of the church of today. Full of depth and meaning. It still offers freedom from past mistakes and faults. It still offers a new beginning every time the words are repeated. "This is my body broken for You. This is my blood shed for You."

The Healing of the deaf and Mute Man.

The Healing of the Deaf and Mute Man

Life before the day I am speaking of had always been very difficult. Have you ever attempted to tell somebody something important without the ability to use words? Some of the children of Decapolis played a game where they tried to do just that, but for me, this had been no game.

I had to live all my life up until this point doing just that trying very hard to help them to understand what it was I was trying to say. They also had difficulty, they did want to understand me and make me a part of the group and conversation, but they so often struggled to make out what it was I was trying to convey to them.

I could not hear, I could not speak and I had a head full of ideas that I so desperately wanted to share with others.

How often I felt so alone because others had given up on me or they were too embarrassed to be seen in my company. Then there were those times when somebody had given me time and shown a great deal of patience, yet I ended up frustrated, unable to convey to the person those inner thoughts. Then came the anger; this was by far the worst. It was also self-defeating, the angrier I got, the worse it became.

To be really honest it was amazing I had any friends at all. Yet I did. Friends who in spite of all things continued to show me patience, even when I least deserved it; friends who tolerated the anger and time after time made allowances for my behaviour. Friends who once they managed to understand what it was I was trying to convey became very understanding and helpful. How grateful I was that they had stayed around all those years.

A few days ago they came to me and spoke to me about a man, a man by the name of Jesus. He was going to be in the region not far from where we lived. They felt that he could possibly help me and my situation. They were trying very hard to convince me that it might be worth my time going and trying to meet him. After all, what had I to lose?

My first reaction was to say no, something I never found any problem conveying, a simple shake of the head was all it took. I was aware that such a reaction would result in a long and difficult attempt to explain my reasons for not wishing to give it a try. They seemed enthusiastic about this idea and I became aware that saying no to could lose me the only friends I had. They seemed so certain that this man, Jesus, would be able to help me.

It seemed a shame to disappoint them with a simple shake of the head, to take away a very genuine desire to help me. It could indeed do no harm. What else was I going to do anyway? There was very little I could do, except beg on the street corner.

So we set off to go and try to meet with this man Jesus, the man from Nazareth. As we travelled the road it became very obvious that we were not the only ones with the idea of meeting and listening to him. Everybody seemed to be heading in the same direction as us. There seemed to be only one thing on the minds of the many, to meet with Jesus. He really was a crowd puller.

When, after travelling in the hot sun, we eventually arrived, he was surrounded by a great many people. There was a real feeling of excitement in the air, even though I could not hear it I could sense it.

My friends were not the sort of people to be deterred in any way. They began to push their way through the crowd pulling me along behind them. I could not hear what was being said to them but I could see in their eyes that there was much anger in the air, I was familiar with this.

Eventually, we stood in front of him, the man Jesus,; he was looking at me and I at him.  It became very obvious to me very quickly that this was no ordinary man. being unable to hear or speak I had learned to develop the use of the other senses I had. I had learned to read what people were like, I was able to see beyond the outer person and discern the quality of the inner being. What I saw when I looked at this man intrigued me.

I saw my friends take hold of his arm and pull them closer so that they would be heard above the crowd. Of course, I could not hear what was being said, I could almost lip read the odd little bit, but I would be lying if I said I fully understood. What they were saying was something about putting hands on me. I was not sure what they meant by that.

The next thing I knew was that his hand was on my shoulder and he was taking me away from my friends and the crowd. His followers stepped between us and the crowd instructing them to stand still and wait. He gently led me to a side street, I wondered what this was all about.

Once we were far enough away I felt his finger touching my ears, those useless organs. My first thought was, please do not hurt me, my second almost instant thought was to wonder if I had cleaned my ears that morning? It is strange what goes through the mind when you feel unsure of just what is happening to you.

Then I watched as he spat on his fingers, so much for me wondering about cleanliness. He reached towards my mouth, which I am sure was wide open in awe. "What was all this about?"

I watched as he put his fingers towards my mouth and then I felt the touch of his finger on my tongue. He looked skywards and sighed, he said, "Ephphatha." I knew that this meant, be opened. 

Then it dawned on me, I had just heard him say that word, I had heard him say it. No doubt about it I had heard the word, Ephphatha.

I had heard, I could hear. I said, "Thank you."  it did not for one-second express what I wanted to say but I could not find any other words. Then the reality hit me, I had thanked him, the words, only two of them but they had been spoken by me. I was ecstatic.

Then I became aware of the sounds of all the people not far from us. How thoughtful Jesus had been, he had taken me aside from the crowd to protect me from a terrible inrush of sound. Such would have been far too much for one who had never before heard a sound, never mind a noise like I was hearing faintly.

Then my friends were there beside me. I spoke to them, "Shalom."  I saw the amazement in their eyes and on their faces. They began jumping up and down holding each other almost dancing with excitement. They were excited, I was excited.

Once more I felt that strong yet gentle hand on my shoulder; it was the hand of Jesus. He asked us to leave, but in an insistent way told us to say nothing to anybody. Speak to nobody about what had happened down that side street. I could speak. I could hear. Tears were flowing done my face, how could I possibly not tell everybody about what had just happened? Never! I want to shout from the rooftops of every home between here and my own house. I wanted the world to know.

When Jesus opens the ears of the deaf they hear of his love. When the mouths of the dumb are opened they only wish to sing praise.  Those who do not wish to hear good news or sing for joy have not begun to understand the joy of the Word. For once you begin to understand the Word even the stones would shout praise.

The Woman Who Touched His Cloak.

The Woman Who Touched His Cloak

Can you imagine for just one moment what it is like to be classed as unclean, as an untouchable, a person to be avoided? Then let me tell you just exactly what it is like. It is in no way something that could ever be called fun.  To watch people who once spoke to you cross the street to avoid you. To be aware that the market traders will not look you in the eye or touch you when you reach out to take your purchases. They make very sure there will be no physical contact between you and them.

I can tell you how terrible it is when your family keep themselves well out of contact with you, it hurts deep in the heart. How I longed for the touch of a human hand, to be held by my husband to touch my children's cheeks. it is like living each day in your own little hell.

There was just no solution anywhere. It is not possible to pack up and go anywhere else because it would be just the same there. Then of course. I was bound to the family, bound to my religion. To move to another town would only impound my problems, then I would be totally isolated and there would be not one person who even cared.

So I am sure you can imagine how I felt that day when I heard that the man Jesus was not far from town and was heading our way. I had heard so much about him, the things he was saying and the things that happened in his presence. I wondered that day if there could be a help for me if I could just get close enough to him. I was sure that if I could just speak to him that his words would be a great help and comfort to me. I had heard all kinds of reports;  people who had been helped to walk. those helped to see, the tales went on.

I just had this feeling that although I had suffered all those twelve years he would be able to lift this heartache from me. There were others who had been lying on their beds for longer than me who had found help.

That night I could not sleep at all. I tossed and turned all night long as I thought of the next day and the possibilities it might hold for me. The next day came and I arose full of excitement I had never felt before. I wanted to be out there awaiting his arrival. Each hour seemed like a day and each minute like an hour as I waited. I could think of nothing else.

Then there was a crowd of people and the word was moving around them that he was on his way. I looked and there in the distance, I could see him surrounded by people. How was I ever going to get anywhere near him, so many people?  My heart began to sink my hopes began to dissipate.

I knew that I must not come into contact with him, I was unclean. Somehow though I had to be able to speak with him, he was my last and only hope.

Just as he drew near, I saw a gap appear a way open up before me. I was going to get my opportunity to just speak with him. Just at the very moment, I moved forward a well-dressed person of high rank stepped in front of me. He was one of the ruling class, I was a mere untouchable.

He spoke to Jesus. I saw the pain in his eyes as he did so. He was telling Jesus of his daughter who had been so ill he was sure she was on her death bed. He was asking Jesus to go and lay his hands on her that she might have a life again.

His need was far greater than mine, of this I was certain.  More importantly, there was a child who had a life before her. Her life was like a candle that was being snuffed out and her only a child. True, my life was not all that I had hoped for but at least I still had a life. This small child it seemed was losing even that. As I watched and listened I could see and feel the pain of this family. How could I possibly detract Jesus from this man and his needs? They were greater than mine ever would be.

I stepped aside and watched as he walked past me with the grieving ruler. My heart went out to him and I prayed the Jesus would indeed be able to help him.

Then, like a bolt from out the of blue, it came to me, like a blinding light. I do not need to speak to him, I do not need to detract him from what is much more important. The task at hand for him and the ruler is much more important than mine.

If I can just lay one finger on his cloak, even just the hem of his cloak would be enough. I was convinced this was all it would take. One touch, one small touch on the hem of his cloak, this was all I needed. Never before in life had I felt anything as certainly as this.

I moved forward; I reached out; only one or two centimetres was all it would take. I hesitated, was I about to break all the rules? Was I about to call live coals onto my head? NO, I felt sure it would be fine. I reached out once more and this time I felt my fingers just brush off the hem of his robe.

It was an amazing feeling. I felt life flow through me touching every single part of me, every fibre of my being. I felt well like I had not felt for years. I could reach out and touch others because of this fleeting touch of the cloak of this man, this Jesus.

I had thought it was time to just slip into the background. To return and show myself to the chief priest and return to my family. How I longed to see them, to touch them, to hold them.

It was not to be so simple. Jesus turned and I saw those penetrating eyes looking at me and through me. I felt a moment of panic, but his eyes were full of encouragement. "Take heart, my daughter," he said. "Your faith has this day made you clean." So calmly he accepted what had happened, what he had done for me. So lovingly he sent me on my way.

What about the little girl? She was restored to full life. Sounds all so very simple, and so it was. Two families rejoiced that day. Two families had experienced a resurrection.

The briefest touch of another can often change the lives of those who seek and are in need. To be touched at the very core of your being can change and restore us. So reach out your hand, stretch forth your heart that they may be touched like touching the hem of His cloak. For life can be changed in a fleeting moment if the mind is open and ready to receive.