Along the Beach.

The following is most certainly best to be used as a meditation. I have taken a small event from the Bible and written it in such a way that it is now a "Guided Meditation."

Where I have included a number of full stops (..........), I indicate that here is a place where it would be good to take a pause, to allow what has been written to become a picture painted in words to fill the mind.

Along the Beach

You are sitting on a beach in the early hours of the morning. The sun is just beginning to rise above the horizon, its light is touching the tips of the waves making them shimmer like a million little diamonds. You can feel the warmth of the morning sun as it caresses your face the sand begins to warm beneath your toes and the edges of your feet. There is a gentle breeze, but warming.  It is a beautiful peaceful and calm morning. As you sit relaxed and comfortable, feel the peace flow into your inner being. Take a moment to allow this peaceful scene to envelop you and fill you with its calm:-....................

You feel so relaxed, calm and at peace with yourself the world and yourself:- ..................

Not far from where you are seated, at the edge of the water two men are casting fishing. You can hear the gentle sound as the nets hit the surface of the water and the sound of the waves as they roll onto the beach nets into the sea. These sounds do not detract from the peace of the moment, rather they enhance creating an almost orchestral sound:- ................

Even further along the beach, to the left of you, a colourful boat has been dragged up onto the sand. Three men are resting against the boat two others stand beside them. They are all involved in mending the fishing nets that had been used during the nights fishing. It is obvious that they are in the conversation as they work, you can hear the voices even though you cannot make out what is being said. Even the laughter that occasionally bursts forth does not disturb the calm. You watch, allowing the peace once again to fill your being with a deep sense of harmony:- ...............

Something catches your eye, a movement making you turn to look to your right. In the distance you see a solitary figure walking slowly along the beach in the direction of the men who are still fishing. From the way he is walking at a slow steady pace and looking around him it is obvious that he, like you, is enjoying this moment. You watch as he draws nearer to the fishermen:- ...............

He walks directly towards the two men as they once again cast their nets, almost oblivious of his presence. He stops, they turn and look at him as he looks directly at them. He speaks and you can clearly hear his words, "Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men." They drop the nets and they fall into the water. You can hear the splash as they fall and are discarded, the waves carrying them to the shore and dragging them back down the beach. The three men move on along the beach passing where you are seated. You watch as they walk towards the boat and the other men:- ..........

It all seems so correct as if it were a play being acted out on the stage of life:- ...........

Again, you watch:-............ Again, you allow the peace and the calm of the warming morning to touch your inner being:-............

The three reach the other men, who stop what they are doing. It is obvious that the man is again speaking although this time you cannot hear the words. Two of the men drop what they were doing turn to their friends and join the man and the other two.:-...........

The four speak to the others and hands are shaken and the five turn to leave. With little if anything being said, they walk up the beach towards you:-..........

You are curious, yet with an inner feeling of warmth and gentleness:-...........

As the five men come very close to you they, without any instruction from the man, all slow their pace. The four stop, saying nothing. The man continues walking towards you. As he draws very near to you your eyes meet his. They seem to be smiling as those eyes of his hold and captivate yours:-.........

You look at his face. You seem to sense a strong feeling this man cares about you, there is love in that face. You relax and allow the feeling to wash over you and through you:-..........

The man reaches out and lays a hand on your shoulder:-.............  You feel a warmth flow through you:-..............

He speaks to you:-............. He says:-................?

He takes his hand from your shoulder and the five, again without words moves off, the four following the one.

In the peace of this moment consider the words that were spoken to you in that still small voice within;-..............

Give thanks and leave and prepare to continue your day, taking with you a sense of peace and purpose.

The Journey Continues.

The Journey Continues.

In the early hours of the morning, having returned to my inn and sharing a few more drinks with my new found friends, I retired to my room. It had been a long day. I thought of my father. He had never approved of gambling, he had always considered it something only fools participated in. That night it did not seem like that to me. I had enjoyed an evening in good company, I had not lost a great amount, though I had lost some; it all seemed rather harmless. I convinced myself that I had lost because it was all new to me and once I became familiar with it all things would change and I would begin to win rather than lose.

A man could easily make a living once they learned the ways and how to determine the odds. That night it seemed like I had maybe found my next and much more relaxed occupation.

There were other backrooms, ones where men could be entertained by the ladies. I had once had a girlfriend in my past life, but this was very different. No talk here about waiting until after marriage vows had been taken. I could see their reasoning that they should be paid, They did after all need to earn a living as I was hoping to do by gambling. They like me had to live. I did not mind paying, they made me feel good, they made me feel like I was somebody. What's more, I had money and could afford to pay.

The day I had arrived at the inn and registered to stay, I had put my money in a safe place in my room. I had placed it behind a loose brick in the wall. Each day I had taken out just enough for the days entertainment and just a little extra for the unexpected. I was always thankful I had taken that little extra because I always met somebody in whose company I was happy and I always ended up spending that bit more than I had anticipated.

Then one day I had gone to the hole in the wall and to my horror I discovered that there was barely enough left for the nights' enjoyment.  I can still remember my horror but also how that had quickly dissipated in the belief that I would be able to win in one of those backroom gambling dens. I also was sure that some of the many friends I had made would be only too eager to help me out. 

It was not, however, to be the case. When I could not find the stake money I could strangely enough not find my friends either. I was broke and alone.

I had to find employment, the time to pay the next instalment for my stay at the inn was approaching. I began enquiring around the place for some job.  The only job I could find was one that was not a job that any self-respecting Jew would ever take. There was a job available feeding pigs that nobody seemed to want to do.

I convinced myself it would be short term only until I got myself back on my feet. I was starving and lonely. I had sold all I possessed. The very worst day I can clearly remember. I was so hungry I looked at the food I was feeding to the pigs and thought it looked appetising.

I struggled on. No more gambling, no more friends, living from hand to mouth.  There came a day when I awoke and with a deep sense of embarrassment, I came to the conclusion that it was time to admit defeat and eat some humble pie and return to my father. If nothing else he would give me a roof over my head, a job and some food, of this I was sure.

So, a humbled man, I prepared to make the journey home. I walked day and night stopping only for short breaks to rest. Not knowing what sort of reception I would find, I journey on. I spent much time contemplating what I would say to my father, the words I would use to beg his forgiveness. How would I ask him if I could become his hired hand?

As I neared home my inner fears and doubts grew. Then I saw him in the distance, What would I say? How would he react? 

He saw me approach and ran towards me throwing his arms around me and hugged me close. I could swear there were tears in his eyes. He called that a great meal should be prepared and that they were to celebrate and honour my return home

It was so good to be home. To feel clean again. I had time to consider all that I had learned. I was full of regret and had vowed to win back friendship with my brother.

How I was going to do that I was not at all sure What I was certain of was that I had been extremely unfair to him in the past. I had been very aware of his shortcomings but not my own. My time away had taught me just how self-centred I had been.

I had no right to be have been welcomed back home as I was. And y bmrother had said just that but he was rebuked by my father who had said to him, "Rejoice, my son, your brother was lost but now he is found."  I have to learn to forgive as I have been forgiven and to love as I am loved. I will never until my dying day forget those welcoming open arms as my father ran to meet me.

I hope and long to learn that like him I may be a forgiving person and love others without grudges as I know that I am loved. 

A Journey of Discovery.

A Journey of Discovery.

I awoke one morning and the thought crossed my mind again, as it had done so many times before, "I have had enough of this. Life is all about doing this and do that, go for this and collect that.  All my life I had put up with it, but no more. This older brother of mine he never seems to be ordered about as I seem to be, the time has come for me to take my life into my own hands and to move on.

Who did he think he was anyway? Forever telling me what to do. My father is a good man, I hold no grudges about him. Truth to be told he has always treated me fairly. He made no difference between when it came to birthdays on any other family event he treated us alike. The trouble lay elsewhere. My father had abrogated responsibility to my elder brother and he was abusing the responsibility he had been given. I was taking no more. As I said it was time to move onwards and upwards as they say.

I had thought about it for a very long time, now my mind was settled. There would be no turning back today was the day.

I went to my father and I said to him, "Father give me what is mine, my share of my inheritance so that I can go and seek a life of my own where I make my own decisions."

I can still see his face. You would have thought that I had stabbed him with a knife. The colour drained from his face, for a moment I thought he was about to have a heart attack and die at my feet.

It had never occurred to me that asking him for my inheritance was almost the same as wishing him dead. As I look back now I can see that, had I seen it that day things might have been different. If I am sincerely honest I doubt if it would have made any difference. I was suffering from tunnel vision. All I could think of that day was poor me and what I was tired of and what I wanted.

I was very surprised to discover how easy it all really was. Once my father got over his initial shock the argument I had expected to ensue never happened.  My father simply went into the house, entered his room and returned with some money which he gave me and wished me well. 

An hour or so later I was ready to set off. My father was there, as was my mother. It was very obvious she had been shedding tears. There was no sign of him; my brother it seemed,  could not care less whether I was there or leaving. So I headed off out of the farm gate and began down the road. I had very mixed feelings, sadness at my mother's tears, some regret that I had caused my father some pain, but also a sense of relief that the decision had been made and I was on my way. It had been easier than I had anticipated.

Without looking back I can remember that sense of excitement as the capital city beckoned me. I was on my way and the hub of life was calling.

Another Day.

It took me three days to get to my destination. The journey, however, was made much easier by the frequent stops I made to quench my thirst and to interact with those I met along the way. I was pleasantly surprised to find so many places of hospitality and wayside taverns.

Eventually, I arrived and found a place to rest my weary head for a few days before making any decisions about what I might do now that I had arrived. I felt no need to be in haste, my father had been generous in his giving. That first evening I fell in with a group of local lads around about my own age. The company was good. We laughed and joked as we drank together into the early hours of the morning. I was not in the least concerned that I was the one that was doing all the buying, I was after all the one with all the money.

The next day I awoke in the early afternoon, with the first of what was to be many sore and painful heads. I had a meal and headed off to explore the city.

I discovered many inns that looked much more exciting than the one I was presently registered to stay in. Some had there little backrooms where more than just drinking and chatting took place. It was possible to sit in one of those and gamble in friendly banter and laughter washing down the dust of the day. This was a new adventure and I was having fun.

Some Further Thoughts Isaiah.

Some further thoughts Isaiah.

Dear Isaiah,

I have been giving some further thoughts after sending you my first letter. I finished discussing. I was thinking further about the idea of accepting forgiveness. Talked about all the time by so many but look at us, so unlike you who sees the need and accepts.  You had a new beginning, the new beginning so many Christians speak about.

The reality is very different. They trudge down to the Church for their time of worship, as I said in my last communication no expectations almost just going through the process. They make their way there, just as I did burdened down with the mistakes of the past lying heavily on their shoulders. Get to the door of the church and unlike you when you arrived at the temple where you took your burdens with you, then deposit them at the door ready to be lifted on the way back out. Plenty of talk about forgiveness being given and received but mostly just theory.

How we need to learn from you, Isaiah.  You accepted forgiveness, you offered yourself in service and did not turn your back on the challenge you were given.

You were told to go and preach and teach people who were not going to listen. Not an easy task at all, in fact almost an impossible mission. You did not turn to your God and say, "Wait a minute Lord that is a very difficult thing you are asking me to do." You never for one minute made excuses about your inability to accomplish the task. No, you said, "Here I am, send me."

I think we need to give some serious thought to this Isaiah. We Christians claim to follow Jesus, we say that we have been called to take up the cross and follow him. But the reality is, or so it seems, we will follow as long as the road is not too difficult, the burden not too great. We will take up the cross, as long as it is not to heavy or makes us feel uncomfortable. We will follow until following gets in the way of us doing what it is we really want to be doing. So unlike you Isaiah, a man who never asked about the cost, "here I am, send me."

You did ask, "For how long?' The reply left you feeling that there was no set time span, it was not a case of go and preach and teach for a short term then retire, not it was to be a lifetime mission. There was to be no compromise of the message either, you were to tell it as it was. There was to be no seeking of popularity, no desire to be loved and lauded, to be a celebrity. It was all about standing up and being counted.

How often have I in my life promised to do what I knew to be the right thing but the moment the going got tough I got going. Not in the direction I had meant to but rather, to the easy way.

 I, and I know many others, we see things we do not like. Hear things we do not agree with. Watch as people abuse and walk over others. Act as if the only thing that matters is their happiness and do nothing at all about. I pass by on the other side. Keeping the peace I say, but deep down I know I am shirking the issues for my own peace.

Isaiah, I thank you for those few verses that have challenged me. Your honesty and yet your frailty, your acceptance of the mistakes you have made but the taking in both hands the new beginning being offered. You are indeed an inspiration to me. I hope that I can rise to the challenge to be just like you. May I learn from the example you set and indeed take up the burden and offer myself in service to others.

For this, I know. The offer of forgiveness is real. I am asked to do nothing other than to accept the new beginning on offer. To take whatever talents I have and put them to good use.

I thank you once again Isaiah for the words you have given me and the lessons I have learned.

Dear Isaiah

A Letter to Isaiah

Dear Isaiah

Having just finished reading the sixth chapter of your book I could not resist writing this letter to you in the way of seeking some clarification. It is indeed an inspiring chapter, possibly the best one in your complete writing. How I would love to sit down and discuss it with you, there be a few things that leave me questioning.

My first question Isaiah is this: I am wondering how it is when you enter the temple you seem to have those marvellous and moving visions like the one you had in the year that King Uzziah died? In all the years I have been going into the church I have never seemed to have such visions. 

I am familiar with the number of pipes that the organ has, but I never come into contact with seraphs or cherubims. I find it all rather difficult to comprehend. I was wondering Isaiah, what kind of frame of mind is it that you have as you enter the temple?  Do you enter with sense of expectancy ready to come face to face with your God? Or do you enter expecting the preacher just might on this day entertain me?

I am reminded of the discussion I had one day on the way home from church with some of my fellow Christians, and with one particular family who attended on a regular basis. The old father said, "The minister was very dry today, almost verging on boring." "Yes," responded the mother, "he also went on far too long, there is a good chance that the dinner in the oven will be overcooked. At this point, their young son spoke up, " It was not so bad, I thought it was good value for the fifty pence I put in the offering plate."

I am wondering Isaiah if we went with the same expectations as you would we not end up so disappointed? Seems to me that we do not expect to meet God and therefore we fail to see him there waiting for us. 

The next thing that caught my attention was your reaction to the vision. The very first thing that occurred was that looking again at yourself, you seemed to become acutely aware of your own inadequacies. Having looked at yourself you did not like what you saw. "Woe is me!" you cried, "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips." Maybe it is the same for us, Isaiah, we do not like what we see of ourselves so we play self-righteous building a wall around ourselves, keeping God and pain at arm's length.

Do we need to become a bit more like yourself Isaiah?  Do we need to be a bit more honest with ourselves? I suspect it was not easy to admit your failings and weaknesses and it is the same for us, we do not have the desire to become truly honest and face the difficulty of making a fresh beginning so we leave as disappointed as we were when we arrived, with little or no expectations.

It seems that on that day not only did you see yourself for what you were but you also became aware that forgiveness was as you stood before your God. Having found this enlightenment your life took a very sudden change. You heard your God ask a question, "Whom shall I send?" With no hesitation, you responded. "Here I am Lord, send me."

I have to thank you, Isaiah, for this. It never is simple to admit our failings and accept that we need to be forgiven and make a clean break and start afresh. We all know the theory and possibly even the theology yet we continue to beat ourselves and carry the burden of past mistakes onward with us.

Maybe you are right? maybe we need to follow your example. Like you learn to say, "Yes Lord I am free to start again, here I am, send me."

The Inner Voice of Love.

Pools of Love

Deep dark pools of umber,

unfathomable love,

forgiving,

unchanging,

unceasing,

Love.

Every move, drawn into the inner depths,

watching,

following, 

waiting, 

shadowing.

My every motion.

The world left.

They came in, stayed,

loyal.

Understanding when oft I did not.

Knowing every unspoken word.

Silently, 

wordlessly,

those pools of love,

spoke many things.

In my solitude, I heard of love.

Deep pools of umber,

Love.

The eyes of my companion friend.

the dark, deep,

eyes of my dog.

From them, I heard the still small voice,

that gave me the strength to carry on.

That inner Voice.

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire there came a gentle whisper.

1 Kings 19; 11.

We all at some time or other have those moments when we feel alone, sometimes desperately alone. I do not speak of loneliness, bad as that may be, neither do I speak of aloneness, as terrible as that might be. I speak of that deep inner feeling of helplessness that is almost impossible to describe. I can be there even when surrounded by people yet feel so utterly alone, preoccupied with doubts and uncertainty. The mind is full of questions asking where and when if ever this is going to end. No matter how often we ask ourselves the answer just does not come. 

There can be times when you find yourself doing things that would normally keep you fully occupied and at peace with yourself, yet that inner despair still eats away. It is possible to be with friends who you have laughed and joked with in the past and yet still feel like asking yourself, "why am I here?"

It is at such times that we need to listen for that still small voice that speaks above the thunder of the inner earthquake. We have to open ourselves to the gentleness of the spirit, the chi, God, that gentle whisper. It may be shown in the eyes of a friend or as was in my own case the eyes of my dog. It matters not from where it comes it is just that you allow yourself time to calm the questions and instead dwell on the positive.

This still calm voice can come to us in the most unexpected of moments and places. No matter how terrible the circumstances of life may seem that inner voice whispers, this too shall end. This may sound like empty words but in the stillness of a moment consider times from the past when things have seemed so hopeless and yet there comes a new found strength to carry on, from where it came you do not know.  Those little moments that have now taken on a deeper sense of purpose. 

It is learning to be open for those times and moments, allowing them to come and remove the negative and replace with positive and joyful thoughts.

At one of the lowest moments of my life and career, it was the eyes of my dog that said loud and clear that this was not the end but a new beginning, as it turned out to be. There was once an advertisement that said, "Say it with Flowers."  It can be true that in even the smallest of things, even the petals of a dandelion we can hear that still small voice.

We can hear the voice of life, the Lord, amidst the roar of the world when we open our minds to the pulse of creation.

Introduction

Introduction.

I have more than once in my life found myself in the midst of what is frequently called, "the dark night of the soul," or "the dark place of the inner being." Such dark moments and places come to us all at some time or other and in varying depths of despair.

It was Isaiah who wrote, "This is my resting place, let the weary rest;" and "This is the place of repose." The writer of Proverbs wrote, "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, not to be hast and miss the way.'So whether it be a feeling of deep despair or the feeling that comes from being alone This little collection of poems, thoughts and meditations I share, in the hope that they give you what I found at the time of writing.

I have made no effort to differentiate between thoughts or meditations. In this way, they will not be restricted to how you use them.  It may be the case that one day a poem and thought might be just that, something to read and consider, the same poem on another day may be worthy of deeper meditation and thought.

I offer this part of my journey that it might speak to you as you make your journey. it matters not whether you are a committed Christain or a seeker after insight, neither does it matter whether you consider yourself religious or not. These words came from a time in my life when I was a minister of religion a prison chaplain and hospital chaplain. They grew from my own personal search and my reaching out to others in a variety of circumstances.

The title, "Out of the Silence," comes because it was put down in a printed form during a period of my life when I was unable to speak, having had problems with my vocal cords I had a period of having to communicate on paper alone which encouraged me to put together this work.

I had time to reflect on the journey I had travelled and consider where it might lead.  It comes from a period of about ten years in that journey, which was not always easy as some of the passages will show.

My journey from this period has taken many twists and turns that can be found elsewhere in at least two other books. What I can be positive of is that the material contained in this book was a great help to myself in difficult times and has gone on to help others.

I offer them humbly in the hope that they may bring some thought and insight on your journey. 

Reflections from a Barstool.

Reflections From A  Stool

It was many years ago,

but that night I can recall.

A lonely evening as I sat alone on a tall bar stool;

The room was large and dark, and many mingled near.

Mumbling voices filled my head,

a deafening crescendo of sound

in which no meaning could be found.

laughing, whispering, the chatter filled my mind

creating an emptiness of dread.

Lost in thought,

of what, or where?

I cannot tell.

My bowing head the litter-strewn floor I saw.

A face appeared amidst the many throwaways.

A seeming insignificant portrayal,

yet on I could not cast aside.

Features blurred in a mindless daze.

Love shone to me from out the haze.

Futile it seemed and yet a lesson taught.

That though in life we seem alone, and no one seems to care.

In every moment black or light.

His presence we can feel, then know again his caring hand,

and be assured he is there.

Christ, the world might throw away, will ever be along your way.

Reaching deep to man's despair,

envelope in the arms of care.

Thinking of Self We Pass Him By.

They also will answer, "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger, needing clothes sick or in prison, and did not help you?" He will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of these, you did not do for me."

Matt 25: 44-45.

In a quiet moment sit and consider your actions.

We are all guilty from time to time, are we not of thinking only of ourselves? We can suffer from a dose of the poor me's. Hear ourselves saying, "Why does this happen to me?" The more we question ourselves the more strident becomes that inner voice, and the more it does the worse we feel.

From this state, it is a very short step to thinking that the whole world has turned against us. Whispered words we can convince yourself were about ourselves. We begin to feel that we are alone and not a single person understands us. They do not seem to even want to try to understand.

Once we have allowed ourselves to reach such depths we can be tempted to find succour in many ways. We can dry to drown our sorrows or eat our way out of despair.

It is now that we need to learn that even here Jesus stands beside us. No matter where you have tried to turn and hide he has entered with you not stayed standing at the door.

It is very simple to believe that the only place we can meet Jesus the helper and Saviour is in a church. The reality is that he is there wherever we are if we but turn and find him. it may be in the kind words of another person or that gentle touch of encouragement.

How often he is missed not because he is not there but because we have failed to see him. he is there also shining back through the eyes of the person reached out to and offered help. The more we stretch out the hand of kindness the more we will experience love in our own lives.

He stands at the door and knocks but somebody has to open it to let him in. 

Reflections

Reflections

In the early morning mist,

I felt a stillness in the air.

All in a haze of dreamlike thoughts.

Yet still, and full of peace.

Reflections of water shimmered.

Nondescript and iridescent.

Now we see only as if in a mirror.

Words from ages past repeated themselves,

In the still small voice within.

Here we find a deep and inner calm when we are at one with him.

We may not walk through our tomorrows,

With the answers that we seek.

We may not know just where we're going,

Or the nature of the deed.

But to go this way and be with him,

Is to walk with life’s still waters, and travel with the flow.

The day may bring its sorrows.

Might also bring its joys.

Know that all of this is but a pale reflection

Of what around that corner there may yet be.

A PALE REFLECTION.

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

1Cor 13: 12

We all have those days when we get out of bed and think of what we have to do during the course of the day. Frequently, there may be something that has to be done that day that does not make the prospect feel good at all. Dwelling upon this is almost the medication for a bad day.

The Cure? Take a quiet moment and picture a scene such as this I am going to word paint.

You are walking in the early morning beside a river gently flowing. You can hear the ripples. There is a mist all around, still and calm. Instead of fretting about what might be, just now allow this picture to fill your mind. Allow the calm of the scene to quieten your inner being.

The early morning mist lets you see everything in a haze as if a pale reflection in a mirror. Instead of trying to see the whole day lying before you see just this beauty. 

The truth is this, what you are fretting about may not in fact happen, and if it does this strength you are taking in will be with you and you will manage to get past anything.

The mist in your scene begins to lift and you can now see things more clearly. In the same way see the day ahead, in a clearer light.

We have an amazing ability to see only the worst in every situation. In 1 Cor 13: 12, we are told that we do not always see things as in reality they are.

I had a friend who tells of the time he was conducting a meeting which seemed to be going very well. All of a sudden without saying anything one of the participants got up and left the room. My friend was upset and his concentration began to wane. She did not seem to be going to return and the more he thought of this the less effective he became in his conduct of the meeting to the extent he brought it to a swift end.

On seeing her during the coffee break he had called he asked her if he had said something to upset her. She was a person he held in high regard and most certainly did not wish to upset her. She responded by telling him that she had been enjoying listening to what he had been saying but had remembered she had left the tea urn switched on and had left to put it off. She also said that she did not wish to disturb the other participants so had decided to wait for the break. 

We have a great ability to think the worst in many situations. Nobody, other than God, can see what lies before us. Calming the mind at the start of the day and committing the rest of the day to Him we will find an inner strength to face whatever comes our way.